Sustaining your sex life in your relationship

One of the greatest joys of a new relationship is the so-called ‘honeymoon’ period – that time when everything about your partnership is new and exciting. This is often the time when your sex life is at its most intense – that new relationship energy pushing you into each other’s arms and prompting you to discover what you each like along the way. Unfortunately, maintaining that energy is hard to sustain, and the biggest complaint for many couples is that sooner or later one partner or the other feels that they aren’t getting enough sex. Contrary to many myths, this is not always the men complaining, though they are the ones who complain more often.

Your sex drive will naturally ebb and flow over the course of your relationship together – and a large part of that will come from the way that you support each other emotionally. If you don’t have time for each other, or put each other down with sarcasm or unkind observations, then you might expect that ardour to be cooled. Similarly, if your relationship seems marked more by disagreements, sulking, an avoidance of discussing feelings or even pressurising one or the other of you for sex, then it’s no wonder that your desire to strip off and jump into bed is going to be shot down in flames.

It’s really quite simple, the less you support each other, the less you’re going to be in the mood for sex. This, nonetheless, seems to be something of a surprise to people who will often not see any connection between emotional connections and a desire for sex – and this is probably why it’s more often men who feel out in the cold about this.

The importance of supporting your partner on an emotional level is all about building and maintaining the trust and intimacy between you. Healthy relationships are all about a sense of respect and of things being fair. The more you feel that your partner is there for you, supports you and appreciates you, the greater the urge for deeper intimacy becomes.

So what practical things can you do to keep that emotional spark going? Try doing the following as part of your regular routines:

• Be free with the compliments to each other, and don’t forget to appreciate and thank your partner every day.
• Don’t be bashful about saying “I love you” when you are in love.
• Appreciate and thank your partner every day.
• Compliment each other in public.
• Make time to listen to your partners concerns – and that means turning off the TV or closing the laptop while they’re talking.
• Cuddle on the couch, be free with hugs and hand holding and never underestimate the power of a good foot massage.