How can you tell if you’re going to fall in love? It is surely one of the great mysteries of life, given that it is almost a guarantee that it will happen, but you have no way of telling when, or where, or how. You can almost certainly expect the other person to be in a completely different mood and head space too. This often means that while you may have fallen for them, they might not be ready for love. If its sounds like the cards are stacked against you, well you might be forgiven for assuming a craggy stance and presuming that it will never happen.
There might be all sorts of reasons for bad timing to affect how you first meet someone. They might be seeing someone else or be in the middle of a divorce, or they might be in the process of moving to another country, or at the very least a new neighbourhood.
They might only be looking for something casual, or there might be a significant age gap. If they travel as part of their job, that may well involve some serious time commitments that will serve as a major barrier – or perhaps they are a single parent, juggling housework, kids and a career. These might lead them to be available for dating, but not for anything long term.
So where does this lead you if you are looking for a long term relationship? You have a couple of options open to you. Well, three main options really:
Keep the dating casual and short term – decide to make the most of the time you have with them and have some fun. You both know it won’t go anywhere but accept the limits the situation imposes on you both.
Let the relationship go. You know you want more from the relationship than it can give you so take that deep breath and move on. It can be incredibly sad and deeply frustrating, but cutting it short now will save the pain later of it petering out.
Wait and see if anything will change – that their career will change or their desire for a long term commitment will change. Perhaps they will complete their messy divorce and you will be both in the same emotional place, free to pursue the long term relationship.
Our advice is to let go, because life is too short to wait for the timing to be right. You can get on with your respective lives and if they do change, they can then come get you. Live your life, and don’t be hostage to your fears of being alone.