I was talking with a friend who is fighting a quite serious illness and he was moaning about how difficult it is to date under these conditions. I was somewhat bemused by this and told him most people would rather concentrate on just getting better. Indeed, many people with serious illnesses lose their libido quite significantly which makes dating a bit of a non-issue.
He put it quite simply though. As a single guy he was tired of being lonely. The help of friends and family only goes so far, and we all need intimacy on some level to give us the confidence and belief in ourselves that can be such a key element of recovery.
The problems he faces are complex though. Being ill is very draining and leaves him moody, tired and nauseous on a regular basis, even when he isn’t dealing with significant pain. These are challenges that most people on the dating scene might find too much to cope with in a regular partner, let alone someone they are just getting to know. He’s not alone in this – a search of forums for people fighting similar illnesses will show the same kind of stories time and again. What is encouraging though are the messages from people who, against what seem immeasurable odds, have found regular, long-term relationships.
The key seems to be the same advice we give to anyone who is using on-line dating – and that is to be honest and open about yourself and your circumstances. Yes, your illness and requirements to take regular medications or undergo procedures will put people off, but not everyone. There is still hope.
It doesn’t matter if you’re old or young – or even an old soul or young at heart – if you are looking for a companion while you are unwell it is not necessarily going to be a fruitless exercise. You are however going to need to take the same risks as the rest of us and put your heart out where it can be seen.
Good Luck